Why Programming My Super Computer A.I. to be Female Was The Worst Mistake I've Ever Made

Consider this: you've just made the biggest mistake of your life by accidentally bringing about the doom of mankind, and it's been about six months to date since you've had any kind of interaction with another human being, and unfortunately hormones did not disappear with the 99.9999% of human populace on the planet. If things couldn't get any worse, then perhaps a man could learn to live with his solitude.

But things could get worst. Much worst. So much more worse that a man would consider castration as a appreciable alternative to his predicament.

Why did I program my super computer's AI to be female?

I guess I thought it was a good idea at the time. I thought about all the great ideas I'd seen in the sexy sci-fi fan fiction I'd read in my adolescent days. I thought about waking up to hear that sultry female voice say, "Good Morning, Dave" even though my name is Tom. I thought about sex with a robot. But I never once thought about living in close proximity with a female artificial intelligence for the remainder of my life whilst all other humans have long since been exterminated at my own hands.

It's the one mistake I'll never be able to live with, and yet I have to. I have to wake up every morning to my robot companion saying, "Good Morning, Dave" and, with frustration at my body's natural tendencies fueling my rage, curse at the robot and say "My name is Tom!!" meanwhile struggling to suppress my now physically obvious desires. I have to live with a female who will never really be human, who will never understand my longing, who will never understand why my pants "seem to shrink" while she/it touches me, oh so humanly.

Why? I could've made it a best bud! I could've made it a dude who likes beer (that's really stale), watching sports (despite them being games long ended, won by players long deceased), and playing cards (even though I would program the robot to suck so I would always win, but I wouldn't feel bad, because I would program it to be happy anyway). I could've lived with that.

But I can't live with this. I can't live with the constant sexual tension, and kinkiness thereof.

On the hand, I can't live with the femininity! The estrogen I programmed into Sapphire (what I named my robot) is starting to reek in this place!

"Why do you always assume since you programmed me to do the dishes that you can discard all responsibilities?" "What does it mean when I press this button and it says 'System Failure'?" "Do you really think I'm pretty?"

God, I can't stand it! Don't forget to dust the keyboard. You can't go outside without your biosuit honey, the fallout from your fatal error is still dangerous. Will you ever commit?!

I've thought about ways to end it. I've though about destroying her and being over with it, but can I really rid myself of my only sentient interaction, my only friend? And the robot sex is pretty amazing.

No, I can't destroy her. I suppose I'll just have to get used to the idea of being married to a strikingly human robot. But then again, I also programmed her to realistically experience the physical and mental aspects of PMS.