Attention!

This message will self destruct in thirty seconds, so I will be brief.

I know this is going to sound really far fetched, and it may not give me quite the highest reputation with you, whoever you are, but you have to believe me when I say this true. You may have seen the effects already. You may already be dead. But if you are dead, then...there's really no point in reading this--Okay, I seriously need to pull myself together here...okay...deep breaths...okay, here we go...

My name is Thomas McKee, and I have inadvertently set in motion the end of humanity.

Now, wait, before you go jumping to any bold conclusions about this, let me clear up some things: First and foremost, I am pro-humanity. Being human myself, I have developed a strong attachment to the species. Granted, there have been people I have known that I have wished, hoped, maybe even prayed, would die from time to time, I would never be so bold or stupid as to wish that on the entire human race. Plus, I have this inherent compulsion to avoid doing anything that might somehow lead to my death. I like being alive! I mean, it beats the alternative.

So, with that out of the way, let me say that I'm fairly certain I can fix this. And by fairly certain I mean I'm really hoping that I can come up with some way to fix this. And by that, I mean we're most likely screwed. But being the optimist I am, and being ridiculously obsessive compulsive about staying not dead, I'm hoping that with your help we can save the planet.

I know that the more I talk the harder it is getting to trust me, but I'm the one who screwed us over and I'm the only one who knows how to stop it. So, here's the plan. First, we